my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I believe in your delicious
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
