if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
