just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
