Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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