he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
