i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
