Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
