I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
