Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
