He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
