Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
