Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
