Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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