She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
