I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
