I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
