I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
