alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
