The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
