Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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