If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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