I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
