Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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