Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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