Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
