I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
