I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
