I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
