Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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