you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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