i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
