i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
