He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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