He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
