Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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