this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
send nudes
from the living room?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
