i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
