is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We left an ass print on the piano.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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