Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
