I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
