Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
