just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
