At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
