a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
