Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My bed smells like the plague
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
