I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
