So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
