Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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