I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
