she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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