Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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